Driving through my apartment complex the other day, I notice a big fat crow around the garbage dumpsters. The damn thing had a gut. When have you ever seen a gut on a crow?

"Hey," I say to R. Girl, "Look at that big, fat crow over there."

I turn to point out the bird. Staring back at me is one of my Arican-American neighbors. He must not have seen the bird, but he sure as hell heard me.

"Oh, man," I say as I lay on the gas.

This was much like the time in college when I drunkenly decided that the big, black stray cat in the Bi-Lo parking lot would make a great pet. Of course, it was a wild animal and didn't immediately jump into my arms a-purrin' away as I thought it would.

"Hey, hey!" I yelled at the cat, "Hey! You big, stupid, black shit! Get over here!"

"Fuck you!"

I look 50 yards behind the cat to see one of my African-American community members advancing towards me.

"Oh, man."
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