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4/21/2005


On Paper Towel Tuesday ... I was standing in my office. Just standing. Trying to look like I'm really contemplating the wall. My iPod earphones were in. No music playing. Just a conversation diversion tactic I like to use.

But, it didn't stop this conversation...

A guy walks into my office. He's wearing a green striped shirt, white slacks and a blue canvas belt with large white flowers on it.

He's got the goatee necessary of all creeps. And the long hair. And the dead stare.

And dead stare he did.

He stood by me. He stared at me. He didn't speak for like 20 seconds. Maybe it was because of my pretend iPodding manuveur. Maybe he was imagining the taste of my ribs.

Finally the creepiness had reached red.

"Can I help you?"

"Hey, man, I represent the Autumn Company. We've got lots of corporate art that we are trying to offload. We got it all. Like stuff you got around here or-"

"You're going to need to go over to building services. I don't buy art for the building."

"Man, you can buy it for your own personal use. We won't stop you. Maybe keep a little stash of Thomas Kinkade's at your place."

At this point I had to ask myself, "Wait, did he say he's selling art or crank? Because I'm hearing art, but he's selling it like crank."

"You know, man, if you mainline the art, it gets you higher."

_________

Pssst.... I used to live here.
My favorite quote of the story is "The woman ought to not be around the man."
Yippee, Columbia, South Carolina! Just before I moved away from you I saw a man slamming his girlfriend in a car door! But you got your Southern pride and your rebel cocks!

Oohhhhhhhhh! Way down south in the land of Dixie
A man ain't a man unless he beats his chicks, see!

Run away! Run away! Run away from Dixie Land!


Violent Stick People
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