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4/01/2005


Have you ever wanted to just completely blow an interview? I mean, take that interview, make it your woman and then completely refuse to pay for dinner.

I've fantasized about doing this more than a Playmate.

"Geez-um-craw, this job blows," I'll think. "I don't want to work Boring Albert here. I need to get out!"


The greatest "blow an interview" idea ever came from my brother Kyle.

"I'm sick of going to these pointless interviews," he explained. "I'm going to wear clown shoes to the next one. Whenever they ask me a question I'm only going to answer them with honks from one of those big clown horns. And at the end of the interview, when they ask me if I have anything to say or any questions, I'm going to shoot them a smile and yell, 'DOVES!'."

Kyle then planned to have doves fly out of his suit jacket sleeves. Just like a clown.

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In one of those rare moments of self-realization that come about every couple of years, I thought to myself, "Hey! That's right, I'm Catholic."

How quickly we forget the big things that make us up when we have a Best Buy credit card, unhindered access to beer and Google. Man, I wonder how my step-sister's doing.
Violent Stick People
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