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12/28/2004


There are two things I love, free refills and truck stops.

Nope, that's not true. I just said that to set up this story.
On a long trip to Mississippi to visit some dirt I pulled into a truck stop. I grabbed my required supplies ... travel bingo, jerky and soda.

As I waited in line there was a large trucker woman in front of me.
She was the type of woman that would make grizzlies cry from lack of muscle and hair by comparrison.

We struck up a conversation.
"What's it like to drive all over?"
"What's it like to be scared of me?"
"Do you like that song 'Truckin'?"
"Do you really like travel bingo?"

I noticed she was buying a book.
"Hmmm, I didn't know truckers could read," I said.
The entire truck stop fell silent.

What I had meant to say was, "I didn't know truckers could read ... WHILE DRIVING", but my brain decided it'd be fun to drop the last two words.
As I stared into the horror of the anger of the mama bear trucker I realized my mistake.

"OF COURSE TRUCKERS CAN READ!" she roared. "IT TAKES A LOT OF HARD WORK TO BE A TRUCKER!"

"I meant ... Oh, Jesus ... I ... Um ..."

But it was too late. She stormed off faster than a Kodiak after elk.


"I guess we can mark 'Literate Bear' off of travel bingo."
Violent Stick People
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