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11/05/2004

Rubberhead report.

Crumble Cheeks: Are you a Democrat or a Republican.

Me: I'm a Democrat.

Crumble Cheeks: Ha!

Me: (Look of confusion)

Crumble Cheeks: Look, all I'm going to say is this. The guy can't do much worse than he's already done.

Me: (Brain explodes from sudden realization that Rubberheads have taken over.)

She voted for the guy, dorks, because he can't do much worse than he's already done! This is their country now! They can have the damned (doomed) thing.
I've already started filling out my paper work to become a citizen of Zeppelininmyheadia. It's the country in my head where "Fool in the Rain" by Led Zeppelin is playing all the time. It's always 75 degrees and autumn.
In the nation of Zeppelininmyheadia gays are free to marry and unwed women can teach. There are no bombs (except the ones for the hordes of space commandos). We all fly Jetson-like cars to avoid dependency on oil. But what do the cars run off of? Reese's peanut butter cups. It's the land of the free soda and the home of the non-rubber brains.
So, people of Seattle, if you see a man walking up and down Pike and Pine husky, humming and happy it's me. The first citizen of Zeppelininmyheadia!

Mole: Man, I think she's hot.

Me: Who?

Mole: Mary Kate Olsen.

Me: Really? She's a little emaciated for me.

Mole: I'd give my right nut to do her.

Me: O.K.

Mole: You know, when they used to have eunuchs, like as slaves, they could still get an erection. You don't need your balls to achieve .......

(The world is fading out. My passport has been approved. Goodbye, Rubbermerica!)







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