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11/18/2004


I got a new pair of shoes last night at REI. That place is yuppie zomibe zone number one. Yumbies!

I can't really complain about the 50-year-old subarb dweller buying a pair of $200 boots to strap on to brave the elements he will encounter going to check the mail ... for I'm the guy that spent 100 bucks on a pair of "Adventure Running Shoes". The only adventure running I get is when I accidently stumble into the polar bear exhibit at the zoo.

"Is this Burger King?"

"ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"

"Wendys?"

I just don't like how they are always trying to get me to join the REI Adventure Rewards Club Exclusive Gold Section.
For 15 bucks I get to say I own a piece of REI ("It's a co-op.") and I get 10 percent back on all of my purchases throughout the year.
Good deal? Of course it is. But I will NEVER join because of the way they treat you when you aren't a member.

"Are you an REI Gold Club Points zombie ... um, member?"

"Nope."

"You aren't a member? Do you realize you could own a piece of REI? The rewards?"

"Not interested."

"If you sign up know your first born child will be gaurenteed entrance to the club."

"Nope."

"You don't want to join the club?"

"Nope."

"Who doesn't want to join the club?"

"This gentlman doesn't want to join the club."

"But, the club is fun. You will enjoy the club. Join the club."

"Nope. Just want some shoes."

"Saaaaaaavingssss, Booooonuuuus Pooooiiiints! We're a cooooooo-Op!"

"What the hell is going on?"

Violent Stick People
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