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10/31/2004


Wow, Spiderman has really let himself go ... but, damn, I'M looking hot.

This is Kyle and me celebrating Halloween last night.
I'm dressed as your husky neighborhood Spiderman.
Kyle is dressed as me.

He was dead on, right down to the cigarette hanging from the lips and the 40 oz. of Rainier Ale.
The t-shirt says "DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT COMPUTERS".
I had that shirt made up for when I went to some computer geek party with Kyle. I wanted to let the nerds know up front my thoughts on discussing Macs and RAMs over beer.





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10/29/2004


Here's something I've been meaning to put together for some time. The orgin of Pirate Octopus.
Although, how he goes from this to murdering people for a clown service is still a mystery ... prepare for mystery!
Violent Stick People
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As I was drawing this cartoon about 50 kids showed up trick-or-treating. The only thing I could say was, "Ummm ... I got some pens for them."
Violent Stick People
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10/28/2004

An email I received today:

From: Yes Bush Can Team <press@yesbushcan.com>
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 2004 14:41:44 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Yes Bush Can Apology
To:
violentstickpeople@gmail.com

A week ago, we sent you an email asking for help debunking anti-Bushdocuments. After receiving hundreds of responses, it become clear thatall the documents were actually real: the Bush/Cheney DUIs, the Ken Layletters, and even the bin Laden memo. For more information visit thedocuments page:
http://www.yesbushcan.com/falsedocs.shtml

We also received hundreds of emails from concerned bloggers thateloquently expressed the problems with the Bush administration. And aswe traveled across America campaigning for Bush, we learned more thanwe wanted to know about Bush's policies. We came to see that thisadministration is a catastrophe for most people.

As a result, we are abandoning our support of Bush and officiallyendorsing John Kerry for President. You can read more at the Yes Bush Can web site:
http://www.yesbushcan.com/We deeply regret our misguided support and apologize for our previousemail. This will be the last email we will send directly to bloggers.If you want to join us in supporting Kerry, you can find out more here:http://www.yesbushcan.com/act.shtml
Thank you for your understanding,
Yes Bush Can

THAT'S AWESOME! IT'S WORKING, FOLKS!

P.S. What was my response to their e-mail endorsing Bush last week?
fuck you, fuck your beliefs and fuck your iraqi baby killing buddies.Fuck off you fucking brainwashed assshitface.

You gotta be tough with these rubberheads.
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On my way into work this morning I saw something on the side of the road that was either a very realistic manequin or a person dressed up like a vampire.
It wasn't moving and it's eyes were wide open, which made it much creepier.
"Maybe someone was out at a Halloween party last night and fell down on their way home. THEY COULD BE HURT!" I thought.
Did I stop?
Hell no!
Becuase there was always the third possibility that it was a REAL vampire. I don't take those kinds of chances.
Violent Stick People
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"Fuck you," sayeth the Lord.

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10/27/2004

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Here's a picture of me and Michael Moore together at his Slacker Uprising Tour last week.
He's asking me what I thought of "Bowling For Columbine" in this picture.

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Oh yeah, Eddie Vedder showed up to rock!
Here I am yelling "Play 'Even Flow', fucker!"
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I know Hamburgarr is a product of my own imagination ... but part of me hopes he's really out there.
Just in time for the elections! The CHEAPER Hamburgarr shirt! Show the world who the real patriots are!
Violent Stick People
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10/26/2004


Ninjas are so lucky. Nobody ever picks on them.
Violent Stick People
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In the original version of this cartoon the rhino stands on back legs and wears a purple shirt. In the end Rick chops him up and calls him a bully.
Something kept bugging me about it.
Then I realized ... it was stupid!
So, I redid the thing and left an open ending.
I don't care if you don't like it. I do. That means I can sleep better tonight.
Violent Stick People
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This is why it's probably a good idea that I'm not a billionaire scientist.
Violent Stick People
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10/25/2004


During my weekend trip to Best Buy I happened to catch some of the movie "Drumline".
The only part I saw was some guy (let's call him William) playing the drums really kickass.
After he was done, some other guy (let's call him Dweebnose) came up to him and looked at him all intense like he was going to rip out his lungs.

From this little bit of what I saw I would like to share with you "Brent Figures Out All of 'Drumline' From Seeing Just a Few Seconds Of It".

William is a guy who really likes to drum. It so happens that he goes to a magical school where drumming is the coolest thing someone can do.
The super cool drum kids are on the "drumline".
The leader of the drumline is Dweebnose.
Dweebnose doesn't like William because Dweebnose is an idiot.
This makes William work hard to be the best drummer at the school. He also meets a pretty girl who happens to be Dweebnose's girlfriend. Drummers get all the hot chicks at this school.
Now William has to drum like he's never drummed before so he can win the big drum competition, which in a climactic scene he does.
Dweebnose is angry. A whole stadium full of people gets quiet to see if Dweebnose will hit William. He doesn't.
In the end, William gets the girl and Dweebnose says something like "Welcome to ... the drumline!".
THE END

This is the premise for 89% of movies out there right now. Thank God my imagination will not allow me to see them.
Violent Stick People
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10/22/2004


A story from the past about me getting confused by advertising:
When I was a pubescent teen in the beautiful town of Hendersonville, N.C. there wasn't much to do.
"Let's get drunk."
"Now I'm drunk, let's look at signs."
So, look at signs we did.

There was one sign that it took me, seriously, almost THREE years to figure out. It was outside a cafe tucked back in the loops of the mountains.

NOT FAST
FOOD GOOD
FOOD FAST

"What the hell does that mean? Not fast?"
I thought they were priding themselves on their slow, country cooking.

"Food good?"
Well, we were in the South. "Maybe a hillbilly caveman wrote it."

"Food fast?"
Wait, I thought the food wasn't fast! Or is the service that is fast? And why is the food fast and not the people? Does the food cook itself?
Did the person writing the sign get so disgruntled about having to put letters together to communicate that they just fried their brain and forgot about the speed of their restaurant?

"Damn it all to hell, Ma, I t'ain't communicatin' no more with these words!"

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT SIGN MEAN?
WHAT? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Then it came to me, like an angel floating through the fog of the Blue Ridge Mountains.
"Not fast food, good food fast."
Oh, thanks, comma.
Violent Stick People
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10/21/2004


For the lonely carving fan on Halloween.
Violent Stick People
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Note: The soup was hot.
Violent Stick People
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10/20/2004

The Difference Between Men & Women: A Narrow Case Study of the Inhabitants of a Seattle Apartment

R Girl's dream from last night:

R. Girl: I'm pregnant, Mom.

R. Girl's Mom: Then we have to go to the doctor.

R. Girl: I have a little tummy.

Doctor: Yes, you are pregnant. Here is your child.

R. Girl: But, that's a toddler. I thought I was having a baby.

R. Girl's Mom: Oh, it's that easy now a days.

Doctor: Yes, this is your baby.

R. Girl: But we don't have any baby stuff. I'm not prepared!

Me: Hey, a baby! That's a cute one you got there!

My dream from last night:

Me: Damn you, Robotronic! I will send you back to your space jungle ... with these ... giant lobster claws!

Robotronic: Try your best, human! Do you like racecars?

Me: Yes! We are now racing!

Robotronic: I am winning!

Me: No, I am!

Robotronic: Yes, you are. Look, I'm Eddie Vedder.

Me: I like your music.

Eddie Vedder: Thank you.

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10/19/2004


Help Lady Liberty with her problem! Vote!

And for myself? Tonight I'm going to this. It's an early birthday present from Kyle.
When's my birthday? November 3rd.
What would I like from all of you dorks? A new president.
Violent Stick People
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10/18/2004

Welcome to "Brent Gets Confused By Advertising On A Quiet Weekend Drive."

(As we join our hero, he is driving to Target to purchase a new pillow.)

Brent: And as I drive on down the road.
My truck is big and carries a big load.
Hey, look, a lady who is tall.
I bet she used to play basketball.
How everything is yah-yah gold.
And driving in the rain is hard.
The tune is awesome fuck yes y'all!
Yah, yah, Zeppelin Rules for All!
To be a rock and not to roll.
Yah, yah, oh, oh, oh, oh!
And he's buuuuying a Staaairrway ... to ... Tar-get.

(Brent notices a sign advertising a sale.)

Brent: Hot deals on bass? Well, I'm not in the market for fish, but I do love a hot deal. I mean, a hot deal on bass? I bet we're talking 10, maybe 5 cents a pound! I'm totally sold!

(Suddenly Brent notices that there is more to the sign.)

Brent: All speakers on sale. Oh. Bass like hip-hop. Not bass like fishing.

This has been ""Brent Gets Confused By Advertising On A Quiet Weekend Drive". Join us next week for "Brent Discovers Fabric Softner".

"Why the fuck is my fabric so soft?!?"



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10/15/2004


This is a pretty representive comic of my run-in with Wig Wolf today. Wig Wooooooolf!
Violent Stick People
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10/13/2004


This weeks comics aren't really violent. But there is the threat of violence, which we all know is just like real violence.
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This is what my life would be like if I lived in a world full of super heroes.
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10/12/2004


You're Steve, you're here, (you weren't created by Satan), get used to it!
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10/11/2004


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10/09/2004


I don't remember what Christmas Eve this was.
I do remember this.

Uncle Hal and Autnie Vera gave the best Christmas presents.
As a kid with the blessing of opening one present on Christmas Eve it was never a question for Kyle and me which one it would be.
"Hal and Vera's," we'd unanimously shout.

Well, actually, according to Kinkade legend I would shout and Kyle would mumble.
"Mahhm ahh Verr!"

We knew what he meant.

Here is what I remember from this night.
Open the gifts.
A set of boxing gloves.
One for Kyle one for me.

Anyone who has ever been a big brother knows the joy I felt at that moment.

I'm sure it was my Dad who set up the picture.
I'm sure my Mom was opposed.
Because who really pits an 8 year-old against a 5 year-old except someone powered by testosterone and my genetics.

I don't remember if I threw the first punch.
But the first punch I threw was captured forever on film.
Kyle fell back.
My Mom says he cried. Kyle just remembers falling.

But look at our joy!
Look how excited we are!
We were true fighters!

Snap back. The flash fades. Kyle is laying on the ground.
My Mom is running towards me.
I do remember this part.

"You will never see these gloves again," she tells me.
I never did and Christmas Eve was over.

My Auntie Vera died on Monday from heart problems.
I don't know what those problems were, but I know it wasn't because it was too small.
In the mixture of family I can't remember if she was a great aunt or a great-great aunt.

She was a great woman.

I remember opening her hotel room door in Los Angeles where my family had congregated for my Uncle Bob's wedding.
Her and Uncle Hal were sleeping.
"Are we going to get ice cream?" I asked.
"Brent, dear, it's after midnight. Go to bed," she said.

When Kyle graduated from high school I flew out to Seattle to celebrate with my family once again.
I had grown facial hair and two feet of bone and flesh.
Vera did not recognize me. She clutched her purse and almost screamed "Terrorist!"
"Vera, it's me ... Brent."
That was all she needed to hear.
For the rest of my trip Vera was my date everywhere we went. At restaurants we sat next to each other. At the graduation we walked in together arms crooked and combined.

She was happy.
So was I to be back with the provider of boxing gloves and promises of ice cream.

I will never forget the woman who gave me the boxing gloves, who I called "Auntie", and who loved with all of her heart someone that I would be proud to be half of the husband he was one day ... my Uncle Hal, who passed away a few years before Vera.

I don't believe in Heaven ... but, part of me knows that Uncle Hal and Auntie Vera have beaten fate, physics and the all mighty odds to be together once again.
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10/01/2004


A guest Violent Stick People from my brother, Kyle. Note the sick humor influenced by gentics and cartoons.
Violent Stick People
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It's vacation time for the next week, dorks!

My ol' college buddy and Phi Kappa Nasty (listen to clips, buy, enjoy!) co-host, Skills, is coming out for the next week. So get used to looking at this picture of a naked surfer girl that I doctored up ... 'cause I'm gettting 7 days tanked!

Although, if you mail in a Violent Stick People cartoon I'll probably post it.
Out, 5,000 large!
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