"The Five People That I (Not You) Meet In Seattle"

#1 - Stereotypical Starbucks Girl

R. Mocha: I'll have a grande white mocha latte and ...

Me: A venti drip coffee.

S.S.G.: O.K. a grande white mocha latte and what kind of coffee?

R. Mocha: Just coffee.

Me: In the big cup.

S.S.G.: And you want whip cream on that?

Me: No, just regular cream in a regular coffee in a big cup.

#2 - Hidden Republican

Me: Hey, hey, delivery guy! Running late today!

H.R./D.G.: Yeah, those damn Democrats.

Me: Oh.

#3 - Mr. Didn't Get The Message That This Is A Progressive City

Me: O.K., female co-worker, thanks for stopping by. (M.D.G.T.M.T.T.I.A.P.C. walks up.) Hey, buddy, we were just talking about Britney Spears ... always entertaining that one.

Mr. Didn't: Yeah, she'll entertain me when she's in Playboy.

Me: O.K. .... Belinda Carlisle did that.

Mr Didn't: Yeah, and I wouldn't mind seeing THAT in Playboy either. (Points at female co-worker as she walks away.)

(My jaw goes slack.)

#4 - Eco-friendly Street Lunatic


#5 - Over Masculine Russian Mafia Boss

Mr. Mafia: Excuse, son, did you receive a flyer today on your doorstep for delivery service.

Me: Nope.

Mr. Mafia - Stupid! Thanks to you. (Gets in Cadillac and speeds off).

Me: Hmmm, what a guy.

"Wednesdays with Torrie"

"Hey, Torrie, you know what day it is?" I asked.
"It is Wednesday," said Torrie.
"Fuck yeah it is!" I replied. I had learned so much from my ... Wednesdays with Torrie.

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