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7/13/2004

Welcome back to typing, fingers, and to reading, dorks.
Is it just me? Does the world that I live in happen to other people? Why?
!
Last night I decided after a couple levels of Driv3r and some tacos, "I need to just relax tonight. No blowing up ninjas or hunting down prostitutes. I will lay around and chat with R. Girl."
Hours later ...

"Really? I didn't know you liked peanut butter. The things you learn when the XBox is off ..."

Ring, Ring goes my cell phone.


"It's Kyle calling," I say. "I'll ignore it ... tell me more about this 'vacuuming' thing that you do. Is it easy to pick up or do you need some training, like on Driv3r?"

Ring, Ring goes R. Girl's cell phone.

"It's Kyle," she says.

"Hmm, it must be important."

I answer.

"What's up?"

"So, I just got off the phone with Mom."

"Yeah? Great, look I'm kind of ..."

"Yep. Apparently she's engaged ... again."

"What?!? To who? What's his name?"

"I'm not really sure. He has his own lotion business. I didn't get his name because he was going on for half an hour about a foot lotion I should try."

"What?"

"Yeah, apparently many adult men have major problems with their feet. It's not uncommon."

"The vital information, Kyle!"

"Oh yeah. He has ten kids. He said he's going to call you tomorrow and tell you all about it. Don't let him talk about his lotions for too long, though. He just keeps going and going."

"This is too much. I need to go."

What? Is? My? Life?
Can't I just have one day to stop and smell the tacos without a family member flying through a window, a zebra cutting me off walking down the street or a crazy old man screaming at me "You're a robot! A robot!"?
All of those things have happened to me and that is my life. And now I have to welcome a new guy (who I have already nicknamed Newt Tragena ... get it?) into it.
Bound on, wackiness! Bound on!

Oh, dorks, and ...
During me and R. Woodsy's improper-English-yet-gloriforous camping trip we needed to go "into town" to get batteries for our flashlights.
"I don't need the Titanium batteries, Cashier Lady, just give me the plain ol' Duracells."
"Are you sure? These Titanium ones are good, especially if you are going to be using them in anything electronic."
"Oh, really? Well, I was just going to use them for pancake toppings, but ... shoot, I'll give them ee-leck-tronick batteries a try for!"
(Banjos play and rubberheads sway.)
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