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7/26/2004

The Democratic National Convention started today.  Let's talk about the free speech zone, dorks.  Or can we?   I mean, what is this ....
SHUT UP, ME!
It's time to talk about porn!

A classic Brent porn story for the ages:
I was adventurous one night in college and decided to rent a dirty movie.  I don't remember what it was called, something like "Amazon Strap-On Golden Girls and Their Bitch Slave Boys Do Six Flags".  Whatever it was called it was dirty enough to make the "climax" (ha) of this story what it is.
I returned the movie the following day because porn rentals aren't the Blockbuster 5-day gracious ones (and we all know that no matter how exciting a porn is on the first day, by the second it's just 17 naked girls and an elephant).
But, wait, where is the pornography store?
Oh, it burned down.
I get out of my car, stunned to see a place that just a day ago was so alive with the aura of lotions, boots and 19-year-old strippers now reduced to a charred pile.
"What happened?" I ask a fireman/inspector.
"It was an electrical fire," I'm told.
"When?" I ask, still stunned.
"Last night ... they asked us to hold all rental returns.  I'll take that," the fireman says.
It's at that point I realize I am holding my copy of "Amazon Strap-on Golden Girls and Their Bitch Slave Boys Do Six Flags".   And now a man who I'm supposed to be worshiping in this post-9/11 world is taking it from my hands.
There's a moment soon after he glances at the title and before I run away, run away, run away that we look at each other. 
I feel like I should say "God Bless America" or "Never forget", but instead I just run away, run away, run away.

A line heard this weekend that is truer than any I've heard before in porn:
(Girl being violated by two guys) "I should have stayed in school."

Let me tell you, dorks, this girl's words made me consider law school more than any ad campaign or family member's advice.
She should be the new poster girl for the anti-dropouts. 


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