This, dorks, my doctors ball-grabbing prognosis that I am "fit as a fucker" after yesterday's check-up and my new red Nike shorts that I bought on my lunch break have combined like Voltron to make today a heroically great day.

"This administration does not condone torture."
"Pssst, President Bush, condone means to like allow or overlook."
"Really? I thought I was just making up another fancy Yaleish word to confuse people."
"No, this time you made up a sensible lie."
"Shoot it all to Fuck Swamp ... um, what I meant to say is that this administration does not perpitify torture."
"That's our, Pinochio Prince!"

Nike shorts, boogers, no testicular cancer, zen.

My two favorite things to yell at horrible drivers:
-"Are you alive?" (I constantly suspect many zombies have learned to drive.)
-"Asslicker!" ('Cause nobody expects to be called an asslicker.)

Two things R. Girl says I have yelled at horrible drivers that I don't remember:
-"Go fuck your mother." (In my opinion worse than saying "Motherfucker!" because it's an order not a noun word.)
-"Give us justice!" (I don't remember ever saying this, but I think it's the coolest thing I've ever said. This will be written on my tombstone, dorks.)

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