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6/29/2004

Brent's Top Ten Things to do to Keep Himself Entertained While R. Girl is Having Fun in Las Vegas

10.) Recreate the door kicking-in scene from Walking Tall (the Joe Don Baker one) every time I enter a room.
"You got a warant?"
"Yeah, I keep it in my shoe!" (Kicks in door, finds bourbon, rejoices! .... later gets shot and wears Darth Vader mask.)

9.) Have my yearly "If I drink Zima alone noone will laugh at me" Night.

8.) Find a slug on my porch when I'm drunk. Wonder at what point in the evelutionary process did slugs say "You know what? I think I'm good with the slime and the crawling. You guys go on ahead."

7.) Decide that not wearing a shirt under my button up shirt is too sexy to pass up.

6.) Repeatedly get frustrated at Hitman: Contracts because I can't make it past the first level. Just because I'm trying to put a syringe into a SWAT team member's neck or just because I decide to use piano wire to choke a mental paitient in front of a horrorified orderly does that mean I have to get shot?

5.) Sing ... my own versions of songs!
"Well, I tip my hat to the big washing ma-chine
And I say hello to the coffee ma-a-ker
Smile because I've got nuggets to eat.
So I pick up my nuggets and say,
'Who wants nuggets today?'
Then I open up the oven and, HEY!
I'm eating chicken nuggets again!"

4.) Catch up on my reading.

3.) Call R. Vegas and ask what new presents she has bought me since the last time we talked!

2.) Get excited about presents!

1.) Stumble around Blockbuster for an hour trying to decide between "They Live!" or "Naked Ski Hookers!".
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