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4/23/2004

The Ranger Creed

RECOGNIZING that I volunteered as a Ranger, disregarding video games, television, political propoganda, movies, the education system, the economy, my father, sports, chicks, beer and advertisments as influences on my naturally influencable human mind.

ACKNOWLEDGING that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who honorably gets to shoot twice as many dark skinned people in hot parts of the world.

NEVER shall I fail my comrades or ask my Ranger buddy, Pippytits, things like "Hey, Pippytits, why did we just shoot that unarmed man?" or "Pippytits, do dark skinned people from this hot part of the world have a Heaven."

GALLANTLY I will show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier by wearing lots of tight t-shirts and Croakies on my Oakleys.

ENERGETICALLY I will meet the enemies of my country. I will then invite them to my tent for soda and chips. After a close game of Monopoly I will kill them. I will always be the Scotty Dog piece, I will never be the Wheelbarrow.

READILY I will display the intestinal fortitude to say "intestinal fortitude" without laughing about poopy.

Laugh it out!
Listen to me dorks! Listen to the hype!
Pat Tillman will become a rallying point for the war hawks. They will say things like "Be like Pat" and "Pat was a good American". They will make Pat speak from the grave! Pat will be the 2004 electoral zombie! He is the wet dream for a war marketer.
When you see Pat's face, dorks, and when you hear people talk about him remember this ...
Pat Tillman died in Afghanistan so you could drive to the beach at lower gas prices, oil companies could punish their enemies and tycoons could have a hand in the world's biggest money maker called the U.S. Government.
Anybody who uses the dead as a puppet is an evil ventriloquist.

It's supposed to be nice this weekend in Seattle. I hope it's nice where you are, dork reader.
Weekend.



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