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4/15/2004

Hahahahahaha.
I was just laughing to myself and I thought I'd share the laugh with you, dorks.
Here's a non-authentic transcript of a prank call I made my juniorish year in high school.

Operator: Thanks for calling Super Speed Readers, would you like me to set you up with our program?

Me: No, actually I've used it already. I bought it about a month ago. I can read a lot faster now.

Operator: Well, I'm glad you like it.

Me: Well, I like it, but I don't like what it's done to me.

Operator: What do you mean?

Me: I read really fast now, but maybe almost too fast. I read so fast that some times I start puking. Like motion sickness kind of.

Operator: You vomit?

Me: Yeah, is there like a customer service person I can talk to? I don't really want a refund, I just want to know if this is normal or if I need to go see someone.

Operator: You're saying you throw up because you read too fast?

Me: Yep, I just start reading and my eyes are moving so fast and I think it's faster than my brain can move so I think it pukes, like to maybe cover up the book so I can't read the words.

Operator: Please hold on while I get my supervisor.

Me: Nope.
-Click-

Turned away from it all
Like a blind man ...
Bowie rules so hard! Opens with "Rebel, Rebel" and 2 and half hours later closes with "Ziggy".
Me tired today, sore from sitting, didn't take dancing cues from limber balding gay men in front of me. Full head hair straight boy stiff, bald gay men limber.
And the world turns on towards eternity.
Outside they were selling t-shirts with a picture of 70s Bowie. The shirt said "I Fucked Mick Jagger".
I wanted one, but my stiff shoulders and full head of hair held me back.
DORKWAD PLAYED GUIIIIIIIIIITAAAAAAAARRRRR!


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