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2/26/2004

Yeah, I know, dorks. I'm sorry that my blogging this past week has been very none-done. I did try to write one yesterday when I accidently closed the wrong window (the bloggin' one) and lost it.
"Aw, fuck it," I thought. And fuck it I did.
So, like I was telling you yesterday but you didn't know, this has been media week for me.
I bought three new, used C.D.'s last Friday.
Green Day "Dookie" (Awesome reminder that those fuckers who walk around going "This isn't punk. Punk is punk I'm punk, this ripped sweater is punk" aren't punk. And really no one is punk, dorks, it was a stupid, stupid way to sell some records in the mid-to-late seventies since disco and stadium rock had saturated the public ear. The Sex Pistols WERE (don't ever be fooled into thinking they weren't ... it's not very punk to think otherwise) the SECOND boy band. The first being the Monkees. Punk music is still good, however, punks are dorks with spikes.)
RZA presents "Wu-Tang Killa Bees" (Good truck drivin' music)
and
The Soundtrack for "Dogtown and Z-Boys" (or something like that. I'm not going to pretend I know the title correctly and falsely have you assume I'm down with skating culture).
All good C.D.'s.
Also bought "Death Race 2000" and "Rollerball" (the Jimmy Caan one) and rented "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
All excellent movies. Best lines in each movie respectively ....

Cleopatra: It isn't my fault everyone scored before us. You should have gone after that boy scout camp like I told you!
Nero the Hero: I tried the goddamn boy scout camp. You know how fast those boy scouts move?
Cleopatra: Now here's something more your speed.
Nero the Hero: That'll be at least 200 points!
Cleopatra: If they scatter, go for the baby and the mother

Then ...

"It was never meant to be a game!"

Then...

"Fooeee, where'd I put my sword. Oh-No! A ninja!"

I really want to use that Rollerball line at some point in life.
"Hmmm, this fish is a bit gamey."
"It was never meant to be a game!"

And to top off Media Week I've been reading (I think I mentioned this ... oh yeah, I did) "The Dice Man" by Luke Rhinehart.
Very excellent book, please read it.
For Christ's sake, calm down. I'll give you a summary b/c I know some of you dorks can't read.
This guy invents a way of living where dice decide what he does with his life. There are some rules, the major one being that he has to do what the die say. Here's how you do it.
Think of six things to do and let it represent one of the numbers on a die. Or maybe think of 4 things to do and allow a couple numbers to represent one thing to do ...
Example
1.) Find a hot homeless person and give them $5
2.) Get drunk
3.) Clean your home
4.) Call someone you haven't talked to in a while
5.) Hit on the next stranger you see
6.) Climb a large hill
... you'll understand as you go. They can't be things that you woulnd't do. You have to do them without thought or ego once the die is cast.
So, I've tried it a few times. In the book the di command the guy to scream that he's Batman and bang lots of broads, the di commanded me today to go eat an unhealthy lunch in the park. Of course, I don't want to bang a lot of chicks because ....
R. Sense-of-humor and I are getting antsy about our big move. I think we're both over the nervouse "What the hell did I just agree to?" stage and at the "Fucks sake, let's do this already" stage. I remember when it was just "frame stage".
Boy, who doesn't want to see the new Jesus movie? Me. Is it just me or does watching Jesus get beat up for a couple hours sound morbidly interesting and therefore totally out of the realm of being able to go see because of the fires of Hell (that I don't believe in) that would await me if for just one second I had the thought "Man, this Christ guy really just can't take a punch".
And what the hell is up with the F.C.C. since LaToya whipped out her tit? I mean Mel-Gibson-sucker-you-all, you pull out a boob for a second (a black boob remember!) and all of a sudden no one can say "pee-pee". But show two hours of Jesus getting whipped and everyone goes "Hey, let's rent out a movie theater so my kid can watch this."
And while I'm going on about current events, I need to say something about Rosie O'Donell. This dork-with-tits is the only celebrity that the gay marriage movement could get to join their cause? Well, maybe it's not a movement as much as a natural and A-O.K.-with-people-who-are-secure-and-don't-hate-their-fathers-and-jerk-it-to-Freddy-Prinze-Jr. progression in civil rights, but anyways ... getting Rosie O'Donell to stand up for your cause is like having the one armed kid from my high school throw out the first pitch at the World Series ... THEY'RE GOING TO FUCK UP SOMETHING IMPORTANT! We all know Rosie is going to go to San Fran and be all snoddy to people like when she (DAMMIT!) would always give the person the correct answer on Hollywood Squares! I mean for fucks sake Rosie, it's a game stop acting like you do anything besides eat and throw koosh balls all day. She's going to piss off different leaders who will rush to shut down what would have been quiet civil disobedience.
"I'll take gay marriage for the win."
Anyways, I think that's enough dorks rocking for the past few days I've missed. I'll talk to you all tomorrow and tuck you in for the weekend.
And the dork sayeth on to ye, go forth and do unto dorks as you'd have dorks do onto you.
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