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2/13/2004

What to say, dorks? It's muther-smirksome Friday, boyyyy! I've got my truck fueled up, all of my Valentine's shopping done, some cash in my pocket, a horrifying addiction to crystal meth and two days with no ape women. B's about to get freaky up in his Valentishizzy!
I woke up very late this morning after a night of weird dreams that included one that I met LeBron James on the street but I didn't know it was LeBron James. I asked him for some reason if he knew how to get Sonics tickets and he hooked me up with season tickets. I think I woke up at some point during this dream to some questioning by R. Sleepy. I vaguely remember trying to explain that I had just got basketball tickets.
I sometimes have dreams like this where I'll wake up and be expecting some cool new thing to be there, but it isn't.
"Cleydsdale with a rocket launcher attached to each leg, where are you?"
So, I woke up late and got to work about half an hour late. No one noticed, nor have they noticed that I've been running errands throughout the day.
But beyond my growing psychosis (I did the stumble and mumble thing in my sleep again last night) there are great things a-brewin' ... because it's Valentine's Day weekend. And that means I get a present! And R. Girl and I are going out tomorrow for dinner at the place we went to on our first date and then a movie. Sunday will be the zoo (if weather permits) with the Lovely Couple. Will let you know how all of that turns out.
They just announced on the intercom at work that "The Mountain Man is in the lobby!"
The Mountain Man is this guy who goes to the offices around the area selling nuts and candy every couple of Fridays. The people around here don't get too excited to see him, but when I had the Roy job the chicks over there would go crazy!
"Oh, I just love your chocolate cock. I need it so bad."
"Give me some of that sugar covered crack-heroin."
"The Mountain Man is my God all other Gods are beseeched in the glory of Mountain Man and his delectable gummy worms."
Naw, it's not like that, they just like candy and nuts. Hehe, nuts.
Anyways, whenever they announce that "The Mountain Man is in the lobby!" I always get this image of some sort of deranged hillbilly who has escaped from somewhere and always finds his way back to this office. I always picture him barefoot and in overalls with a straw hat just kind of frantically running around going "Ah, hoo-eee, it's the lobby for me!" Then they have to announce that he's back so the gaurds will come and get him. Of course, there are always banjos playing in the background as they chase him.
The next time you are bored in public play one of "Brent's Imagination Games". Such as:
-Next time you're at Wal-Mart or the D.M.V or wherever your happen to be picture in your head what would happen if a hillbilly ran in a hootin' and a hollerin' 'bout "Heading for the hills" or "T'ain't going back to no jail". What the hell would you do? That one's always good for a chuckle.
-Or. Imagine the person you are talking to (a cashier or a cashier) suddenly had a spear go into their head. NOt a killing spear, just a suprising spear. How funny would it be to see someone with a goddamned spear in their head? As long as they were still healthy and just happened to have a spear in their head.
Dammit, I love the "spear head to pass the time" game.
-OR, you could play the ever-Brent-popular "The last few minutes of Return of the Jedi" game. In this game you are Han Solo and have just shot up the reactor core of the Death Star. Uh-Oh, Han! You'd better get out of there fast! This is best played at crowded malls when you are trying to get from Cinnabon to that smelly Yankee Candle store.
Maybe I'm still sleepy.
Well, have a good weekend, dorks. Happy Dorkentines Day to your and yours (your nuts, hehe).
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