For the time being ...
... that is until I get sick of doing it again and give it up for a few months.
But until then, let's get reaquainted, dorks.
So, I know you are all asking "Where the fuck have you been?" or "Why the fuck are you back?" or "Could a ninja beat a polar bear barehanded?". The answers are "Seattle", "Creative recharge" and "I'm going with yes."
Quick list of things that have happened to me.

-The day before Halloween (4 days before my birhtday) I was laid off from the Roy job. I wasn't too upset. I saw it coming. Something like 4,000 people were laid off that day.
I read somewhere that everyone should be laid off at least once in their life. It's supposed to build character. You know what else builds character? Getting stabbed. Do you want to be stabbed? Sometimes people who come up with advice should be advised to eat glass.
Being laid off for a few weeks sucked. It sucked harder than a pipe whore. I felt like a bum, I had no money, I had no reason to shave or shower and I had to put up with questions from employers like ...
"Do you know how to program the 5RTX transtickledoober and create specs. in a 3P format?"
"I know how to grow a beard. Wanna hire me?"
"Hi, Brent, nice to meet you. My name's Waste O'Yourtime. Thanks for meeting with us today. We aren't going to hire you."
So, I no longer work at the space commander job as Roy 2. I now am working at a place pretty much across the street. I still do things with paper and boxes and stuff. Mainly I listen to mix C.D. I made my Junior year in college with such hits as "Rosanna" by Toto, "Werewolves of London" by the late Warren Zevon, "Baba O' Reily" (or "Teenage Wasteland" to Creed fans) by The Who, "In the Meantime" by Spacehog and ... I'm tired of listing. Lists are for fools and wives. Moving on, dorks!
-I'm still with R. Girl. In fact, my sweet dork faces, we have been looking at apartments together. I am coming out of my bachelor shell ever so slowly. Example, I went to IKEA TWICE in one weekend a few weeks ago. I actually said these words, "OH, we need a chopping block (a cutting board in non-me language)". Can you believe it? The same guy who just a year ago skipped graduation so he could make out with Ginger Lynn ( www.gingerlynn.com ) and the same guy who has had this conversation
"Dude, don't talk to her. She's a skank."
"Did you just call me a skank?"
"No, I said .. I ... drank too much?"
is going to IKEA bi-weekly and picking out chopping blocks! It's actually pretty nice. I know you are still thirsty for the tear-jerking "I love her like the dickens" sap right here, nosefucks, but you still ain't getting it. Just know that things are great and I've discovered it's easier to have a meaningful relationship with a girl when you actually like her as a person. Wonders!
-I have cut back on my drinking and smoking. I can go up to 4 days without a cigarette now. I don't know if I'm quitting or I just keep losing my cigarettes and my drive to buy more. I actually went for two days without noticing that I had lost a pack of cigarettes. And the best part? I wasn't drunk when I lost them.
So, I've embraced a more sober and healthier lifestyle. I actually drink Diet Pepsi and like it. I also avoid McDonalds. I'm semi-healthy B now.
Why the lifestyle change?
Two reasons.
-I no longer live with Kyle. The KingDork forgot that his lease was up at the end of December NOT the end of March. So, we had a mad scramble last month to find a place to live.
I'm not saying Kyle drove me to drink it's just that when one lives in a bachelor pad he must bachele (a new verb). So where do I live now?
I'm staying at the lovely couple's place until R. Girl and I move in together, which should be at the begining of April. It's fun. They don't have cable, but they do have a shitload of DVDs and a couple of dogs to play with. Plus they have Risk. The better half and I have talked about starting up a game. World domination here I come!
-And the other reason for my newfound health awareness. My mom has finally admitted she has a problem with alcohol and has started going to A.A. meetings. It was a big ugly ordeal that led up to the proverbial straw and I don't really feel like talking about it, ever. But she's apparently better now and such and such and such and such. Not right now, dorks, maybe later.
Other random things.
-It snowed a few inches here last week. The Better Half and I went and played frisbee golf in it. It was awesome. Oh yeah, after over a decade of shacking up together and scoffing marriage, the L.C. finally got hitched in a Britney Spears style weekend jaunt to the place where you sign marriage papers (not that far out of the bachelor shell to know what you do to get married proper) and they did it for ... INSURANCE PURPOSES! Now that's straight up fucking the system.
-R. Girl got me tickets to go see the Lions and the Seahawks play for my birthday. She also got me a B.B. gun for Jesus' birthday. We spent Christmas and Thanksgiving together. She sprained her ankle by falling down some stairs on Thanksgiving so I got to play Super Boyfriend and take care of her.
There were other things, but you know what, let's just start fresh. If I remember things from the few months I was amissin' as I start this blog up again I'll relate them. Word.
I tried to start another blog. It was a cool idea and I might still do it. It's at http://mahatmajones.diaryland.com and the premise is that I take an actual historical event that happened on a given day and stream of concious my own version of history.
I interviewed with Microsoft the other day.
I'm hungry and I writing this blog makes me feel like I'm explaining to a needy girlfriend why I didn't call her after a night of boozing. I'm going to run downtown and pickup my paycheck now. Maybe take in a skin flick or a bagel sandwich.
Later, dorks. I've always loved you.

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