Take B out to the ball game.
Take B out to the crowd.
Buy B some beer and a hat
watch him run on the field and steal a bat.
So, let's loot loot loot the souvenier stands
God, I love this fucking game.
Cause it's 4, 15, 34 beers and you're drunk
At the ol' ball game!

Just got a call from the better part (ha) of the Lovely Couple and he has an extra ticket to go see tonight's Seattle/Anaheim game.
"Want to go?"
"Fuck yeah, I do."
Today has been such a good day. I woke up so fucking hungover and an hour late for work. But that was o.k. because of 2 things. The first is I had an awesome night getting ripped with R. Girl, her friends and King Dork/Batman last night.
"Listen up, girls, I'll give one of you 5 dollars if you steal that guy's shirt. I like it." "Muthafuckin' STYX, baby!"
The second is that I got to take an amazing hour long nap today during my half hour lunch break. So smooth.
When I got back to work I was instructed to join in with a class about how to do things with computers and files and skulls. So, I went ... like I was actually going to work after a nap. Hmph.
The class was full of Obvious Staters/News-Fueled Single Moms. You college kids know these people well. They are that chick in the class who is older than everyone and who obviously has been through some stuff so she decides to go back to school to show her father/ex-husband/boss that they are empowered and strong. But instead of being a typical college drunk they sit and class and talk and point out things and talk about their kids.
"When I'm watching television I don't let my child see the gore or the sex. It makes him hit the dog and use foul language. I've heard about these movies where people actually lose their ..."
"Shut the fuck up."
My office is where these women come after they give up on college b/c none of the hot frat boys (booyea) won't bang them and the alimony tuition ran out. So, when you put them all together it becomes this nonstop babble fest. A lesson that would have lasted 30 minutes in college took 2 and a half hours.
"I see what your saying, but sometimes when I look at my computer I will see that I have a phone next to it. I call someone and we talk about files. September 11th."
"I agree, but generally when I use a phone there is another person on the other end. I will say "Hello" and they will say "Hi" or "Hello" also. And roughly 2-156 minutes later I hang up. It's a process that works for me. SARS."
"I find that it's best to say 'Hello'. Yeah, baby, very shagadelic. And when I hang up, I put the receiver back on the cradle. 9/11"
"I already said that."
But it was fun b/c I got to sit across from this younger woman in my office who has to be from South Africa or Uganda or something. The way she talks is melodic. "I watch-ed the mo-vie Rush-MORE". I sat through the entire meeting imagining her reading me "Huck Finn" or The Playboy Advisor.
"Gener-ally, the male cli-max lasts on-ly a few secONDS. We should take the raft SOUTH to eventu-ALLY head NORTH."
Well, I need to go grab some McFuckingDonalds before I head to the game, you nosy fuckers.
Yippee, dorks, baseball.
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