Two things learned from this cold.
1.) They use Sudafed-type products to make crystal meth, or crank if you like. When you buy it at stores, old women look at you like you're a fiend. If I had known earlier I would have twitched and asked where the best place to boost was.
2.) Blowing in someones ear and coughing in it produce two different affects. I don't recommend the later.
I left work after only one hour today. Right when I showed up with my head Sudafeded out (I was tweaking!), my nose running and N.I.D. Girl screaming "Clyde, I think bagels are good", I knew it was going to have to be a sick day. What clenched it though was N.I.D. Girl turning to me and saying "This day has been from Poopityville". I agree, freak; I'm out.
I slept and I had those fun halucanegenic (I don't care if I misspelt that, the dictionary is too heavy to pick up right now) dreams that come with a cold and crank. I dreamt about dinosaurs and laser tag and for some reason it was fucking important for me to get to the grocery store. Last night I dreamt that I had stolen a car and moved out to a Pacific Northrwest island to oversee a paper mill. Anybody with one of them dream analyzing books want to take a stab at those?
Today I'm going to avoid sunlight, eat soup and try to ignore the nicotine addiction that is telling me to "Fuck the chest; light up". I know he'll win eventually, just like my thirst for Sudafed will call me out into the Seattle streets looking for meth dealers and drag bars. I like pretending that I'm skirting the edges of hard drugs by taking these little white pills. This might be why I eat poppy seed muffins and drink Coke.
Last night I watched "The Burbs" with the comedic brilliance of Younger Tom Hanks. The movie dragged more than I remember from watching it as a kid, but I blame that on Jerry Bruckheimer. A great flick for stuffy nights. Best parts: "This is Walter!" "AHHHHHHHH" and Tommy boy coming out of the ruins of the neighbors house.
All right, I need to go watch T.V. or do laundry or eat. I don't think I have the energy for all three. Maybe an addiction to speed would come in handy.
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