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8/17/2003

Just got back from my Seattle date with the Ramone's girl. Here's a quick list of fun and exciting things that happened to me today.
1.) We went down to Lake Washington where little kids were swimming and diving. There was this dorky little lifeguard riding around a boat in 5 FEET DEEP WATER!?!? Best overheard line from a little kid today: "You're going to get nunchucks on the head!"
2.)We then went to a restaurant down by the docks on the Puget Sound where a.) the waiter said this classic line: "Hi, welcome to this restaurant, are you guys from around here? you live here so you know how we do it here, let's get down to business. let's get this train a moving. You probably want me to just be quiet and let you order, don't you. She's thinking "I wish he'd be quiet". I can tell she wants me to be quiet. Do you?" We did. b.)Over excited waiter boy kept calling me "chief" or "boss" ($5 tip for a $10 tab right there), but he kept touching Ramone Girl's arm ($2 tip) then he called me buddy ($5 tip) and then he touched MY arm ($2 tip). b.) we saw "party boat". It's a boat (or type of boat) that goes around with 3 100 foot high streams of water shooting out of it it doesn't go near any of the boats. When a boat comes near it it starts spinning. I'm serious. It is like Looney Tunes in Seattle. What purpose does this boat serve? Who needs a boat that shoots water into the air and then spins? Who said "Dammit, we have it all a needle for the space and a bunch of other stuff; but, we don't have a boat that shoots water, avoids other boats and spins when excited."? c.) a bird flew under our table and started attacking Ramones Girl. A woman passing by said "Ahhh, I hate those things".
3.)After the restaurant and a few minutes of standing on a deck trying to figure party boat out, we decided to head home. I kept seeing a bunch of people wearing necklaces that had a bunch of pot leaves on them. Then I remembered it was Hempfest, I grew curious. This is an actual conversation I had with two stoner girls I saw at a crosswalk.
B:So, where's this thing happening that's on your button? ("Thanks for pot smoking. Seattle HempFest)
Stoner girl #1: What?
B: The HempFest thing, where is it?
Stoner girl #1: You mean the pot thing? What's it called?
B: HempFest
Stoner girl #2: Potfair?
Stoner girl #1: Weedfest. HempFest. Yeah, it's way up there, man. You can take a bus. For a $1.25 they give you a transfer ticket, so you can transfer.
B: That's nice of them. What do they have at the HempFest?
Stoner girl #1: Stuff. Lot's of stuff. If you want pot stuff, go there.
I didn't go there. I have enough stuff.
4.) We went to an arcade where I played that quarter game where you drop the quarters and the machine knocks over quarters, I don't know if it has a name. But with one quarter and one quarter only I won ... 67 MOTHERFUCKING TICKETS! HELL YEAH! I RULE! I didn't want any of the prizes (A Kit-Kat, a South Park sticker, a Spongebob Squarepants mini mug) so we picked out the cutest kid there and gave her the tickets. I am Robin Hood, I take tickets from the machines and give them to the cute.
5.) Soon after that we passed by the greatest street musician ever. I call him that because he made up a song about us. He looked like a beefy Michael Stipe and kept staring at us as if there was no Seattle, only us. The song went something like this.

He plays basketball for Winthrop.
He's the last of the basketball players and he doesn't care.
He likes to play basketball and there's a girl with red hair.
He's a basketball warrior.
He likes to play, but he's the last and he's alone.

He continued to sing as we kept walking; for all I know he's still singing ("He's not here right now, but he's still in love with basketball"). It's the greatest song I've ever heard. And it's all so true.
Today was such a great cure for a hangover. No chance to be depressed, iced tea and vanilla ice cream. I have to go cook Salmon now. Apparently I'm making an ass load for a lot of people. The pressure is on. I know burritos pretty well, but I kind of lied and said I could cook salmon ("Salmon? Fuck yeah, i've got a million receipes for the fishy fuck.") Why did I say I'd cook salmon for all of these people? Sometimes I feel like I'm floating through life randomly grabbing beers and preparing fish. Kyle told someone I'm like a little drunk puppy that keeps wandering around and getting lost. Bark, fuckfaces.
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